In an editorial in The New York Times, Paul Krugman coined the term "epidemic of infallibility." He, of course, framed the problem in terms of America's political culture, or "powerful people who never, ever admit to making a mistake." He went on to observe: "But what’s going on with Mr. Trump and his inner circle seems to have less to do with ideology than with fragile egos. To admit having been wrong about anything, they seem to imagine, would brand them as losers and make them look small." In Krugman's acknowledgement of the role of ego in this, I think he has stumbled onto a principle that has a much broader application than politics or politicians.
In her article for Psychology Today, The Mindset That Makes It Hard To Admit You're Wrong, Dr. Susan Whitbourne offered a new twist on an old Alexander Pope favorite: "to err is human, to admit divine." She went on to observe: "It’s important to the victim...for transgressors to take ownership of the harmful action, even though it might make them seem incompetent or dishonest. This is yet another key reason to admit to wrongdoing — it shows that you respect the people who were affected by your actions. It can be the ultimate expression of egocentrism, or even narcissism, to focus only on your own self-image and how it is harmed by violation of competence or integrity expectations held by others toward you. Instead, by admitting the wrongdoing, you show that you value them as much — or more than — you value your own need to seem infallible." Dr. Whitbourne concluded: "Ironically, it’s when you acknowledge your weakness by admitting to wrongdoing that you show your strongest side."
In other words, the thing that makes it so hard for us to admit that we've make a mistake is our own pride. Such an admission threatens how we and others see us. We pretend to know/understand things that we don't. Evangelist Billy Graham was once asked "Why won't some people admit it when they're wrong?" He answered: "Unfortunately, experience tells us that people like this seldom change; their pride gets in the way, and they can’t bring themselves to admit that they alone are responsible for their failures. The Bible says, 'Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice' (Proverbs 13:10)." In short, we don't want to be seen as being weak or flawed.
In Paul Ratner's article, "Why it's important to admit when you're wrong," we read: "In an interview with the New York Times, social psychologist Carol Tavris, who wrote the aptly-named book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), said that the problem comes when our sense of self is under attack. 'Cognitive dissonance is what we feel when the self-concept — I’m smart, I’m kind, I’m convinced this belief is true — is threatened by evidence that we did something that wasn’t smart, that we did something that hurt another person, that the belief isn’t true.'" Ratner went on to observe that "Persisting in your obstinance, on the other hand, can feel pretty satisfying. A 2012 study found that refusing to apologize can boost your self-esteem and lead to 'increased feelings of power/control and value integrity.' This may be due to the fact that apologies give extra power to those who receive them, explained the authors. This ego boost from refusal can be short-lived, however, and can ruin your relationships and cause backlash."
All too often, even when we're willing to admit that we've made a mistake, we tend to offer multiple excuses for our lapse in judgement. We tell ourselves things like: "I didn't have any good alternatives," "Circumstances forced me to make that choice/decision," "I was deceived, or I wasn't thinking clearly at the time," "You/They made me do it!" Of course, deep down, we know that all of these reasons are simply excuses that we offer to salve our conscience - to protect our ego and reputation. It wasn't REALLY me that failed!
In "The Power and Glory of Admitting You're Wrong," SK Camille wrote: "People who don’t cop to their obvious mistakes lose out anyway. Generally, everyone else sees what’s going on — the person’s mistakes, errors, and imperfections are clear to see. So when the person denies them, that just makes the person look like an arrogant, blind fool. In the attempt to look strong, smart, and in control, they instead come across as weak, stupid, and irrational. On the other hand, admitting you’re wrong can be a magnificent, powerful thing to do." She went on to enumerate a number of ways that such an admission can benefit the confessor: "It shows you have confidence and integrity," "It also shows that you’re human and you know it," "It also means you possess self-awareness and self-control," and "It shows you care about the people around you."
Now, I have had a great deal of experience with admitting that I have been wrong. For many years, I fully supported the teachings of Herbert W Armstrong (founder of the Worldwide Church of God and Plain Truth magazine). There was a time when I was convinced that I had THE TRUTH - when I believed that the English-speaking peoples of the earth were the descendants of the Israelite tribes of Ephraim and Manasseh. Likewise, I believed a number of other heretical teachings: that Christians are obligated to observe the dos and don'ts outlined in the Torah, that Christians shouldn't observe "pagan" holidays (like Christmas, Easter or Halloween), and that homosexuality was a sin. However, when experience and evidence discredited those teachings, I was forced to admit that I had been wrong - very wrong. In similar fashion, I used to be an extremely partisan person in terms of my politics and thought that my party (the Republicans) had all of the answers to America's problems. Although I'm not proud to admit it, there was even a time in the past when I enjoyed Donald Trump's swagger (The Apprentice). Nevertheless, subsequent developments have forced me to admit to myself and others that I was very wrong about those things.
Alright, that's a lot of experts and personal experience, but what does the Bible have to offer on the subject of admitting that we're wrong? In a Psalm attributed to David, we read: "Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." (Psalm 32:5) We read in the first epistle of John that "If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." (I John 1:8-9) In the anonymously authored epistle to the Hebrews, we are told that repentance is one of the foundational doctrines of Christianity. (Hebrews 6:1) Hence, we can see that, even from a Biblical standpoint, it is essential for us to admit it when we are wrong about something. Indeed, we have seen that ego and pride are at the heart of our reluctance to admit wrongdoing. In the book of Proverbs, we read "Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)
Speaking from personal experience, I can say that it was liberating for me to admit that I was wrong. Moreover, from my perspective, a willingness to acknowledge that we are NOT infallible is something that is sorely needed both here and around the world!
Sources:
Krugman, Paul, "America's Epidemic of Infallibility," The New York Times, 20 March 2017
Whitbourne, Susan, "The Mindset That Makes It hard to Admit You're Wrong," Psychology Today, 21 March 2017
Graham, Billy, "Answers," Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 20 November 2017
Ratner, Paul, "Why it's important to admit when you're wrong," Neuropsych @ Big Think, 21 January 2021
Camille, SK, aka Sanders, Patricia Ann, "The Power and Glory of Admitting You're Wrong," The Startup @ medium.com, 23 October 2019
The Holy Bible, New Living Translation
Alas, this is the human condition. We are all sufferers. For someone to say that they are not a sufferer of this malady is to admit openly that they really are. The really devastating characteristic of this process is that it builds momentum. First, there is the faulty process of identifying the truth. Ideas for many people exist in a kind of free capitalist market. They can choose what makes them feel good. Under ideal conditions there will be some research and validation but I think this seldom happens. If one then unfortunately selects to believe something that is false, one tends nevertheless to engage in activities that develop momentum behind that falsehood. Like some people go to the same news source all the time and become radicalized.
ReplyDeleteThat increasing momentum can be described by the theory of cognitive dissonance. We start with conflicting ideas. We remove this unpleasant internal conflict by selecting the idea that appeals to us. Then we rationalize the selected idea by adding compatible and synergistic ideas to it. Hence, there is an innate mechanism in this process gradually to engender extremism. The selection process can be informed or entirely emotional or a mix. This process requires constant, vigilant verification because it is unlikely that it will lead us to the truth. It will lead us to what we want to think is the truth. If you do not want to study and learn, you will fall victim to all manner of odd and untrue beliefs. Life lesson. As unsettling as it is, I think some people go through their entire lives without understanding much about reality.
And this is why I have a great appreciation for what Judaism calls Midrash – carefully considered debate. One Jewish scholar stated that Jews believe that the Bible is a problem to be solved and Christians believe the Bible is a message to be declared. And, of course, in focusing on declaration, Christians presume they already know what the Bible says – that their particular interpretation must be the truth. And in cases where servant leadership is not understood, this kind of an opinionated stance can pass for “Christian leadership.” So you can have someone who is simply biased, egocentric, uninformed and rude who is regarded as “deeply converted” or “a powerful leader” or “full of faith.” I’ve watched that train wreck happen.
I struggle with being pompously dogmatic like most everyone else. For example, at one time I had an extensive opinion on homosexuality that was based almost entirely on anecdotal information that I had heard here and there. I have only known more than superficially one overtly gay co-worker in my life. That is not much of a qualification for having a viewpoint so I don’t have much of a viewpoint. The nature of homosexuality is to me a puzzle. I can say that I do not believe that the state of being homosexual is a sin. I do believe that homosexual acts are a sin. After discarding a bunch of misinformation, that is about as far as my thinking has advanced.
The remedy for this flawed “infallibility” is the ministry of the Holy Spirit. If the sanctification of the Holy Spirit is the separation from all sin, then it is the separation from the sin of personal, self-congratulatory certainty. (Peter Enns wrote a book about that as it relates to Biblical interpretation.)
I believe that admitting that we have been wrong about something is a way in which we experience a little of the Kenosis that Jesus underwent. Jesus emptied himself and became incarnate (Philippians 2:7). He became subject to human conditions and outcomes. And he experienced human ruination not because he was wrong but because he was right but treated as if he had been wrong. Our personal Kenosis is because we are encompassed with human weakness. We did not descend to this state, we have always been here. And Jesus did not have to recant and we do. We empty ourselves not of Godly perfection as he did but, God willing, of garish ego. So our Kenosis is not like his but it gives us the ability to understand something of his Kenosis and to understand our dependency on God. And this realization, though it comes to us from the darkness of life, is not abject but joyous. My caveat: It is easy to write about this but very, very hard to live it.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I do not like the mood that attaches to some forms of the ministry. Ministers who are autocratic, dismissive and fancy themselves to be infallible do not exemplify Kenosis. Nor do they have the benefit to themselves of experiencing Kenosis. They seem to live in the heady realm of self-exaltation – to nobody’s benefit. Jesus became incarnate, was a servant leader and endured the humiliation of the cross to ransom us from enslavement to the elements of the Cosmos. If we are Christians, whether ministers or laymen, that ought to at least accent our thinking.