My homosexuality is largely ignored by family and friends, but many of them continue to condemn homosexuality generally. They love me, and they know that I am a "good" and moral person. If confronted about why they accept/tolerate me, they would probably respond with things like: "He's my dad, son, brother, or friend!" or "I love him!" They might also reference the fact that I'm celibate, or that I don't engage in those "nasty" behaviors in which other gay people "wallow." Some of them would undoubtedly point to my profession of faith (in Christianity), or the kindness, love, or empathy which I've displayed toward them. In other words, for most of my family and friends, their support for me is based on their conviction that I am somehow unique - that I'm not like those other "crazy" or "bad" folks who are part of the LGBTQ community! To be clear, for many of them, it is a matter of separating me out of the pack and justifying their decision to do that.
Unfortunately, many of them still believe that homosexuality is evil or bad - that people who engage in that kind of "lifestyle" have intentionally perverted/twisted their sexuality and are wholly immoral. Are you beginning to detect a little cognitive dissonance (harboring inconsistent beliefs, opinions, or attitudes) here? They have scooped out an exception for me - exempted me from the condemnation which folks like me could normally expect from them. They still generally believe that folks like me are "destroying America" - that homosexuals are "undermining traditional values." Overall, they see the LGBTQ community as a bunch of militant and undeserving folks who are demanding rights and privileges which they don't deserve! When they are out of my presence, they are still attacking societal toleration of homosexuality. In other words, when they are out of earshot, the epithets are still likely to fly! The attacks on textbooks, classroom instruction, San Francisco, and the Disney Corporation are still bubbling just under the surface.
Why should this matter to me? Shouldn't I be thankful that they don't paint me with this brush? Shouldn't I be content with the tolerance and acceptance which they've shown me?
These attitudes and beliefs matter to me because I AM GAY! I am sexually attracted to some (the good-looking ones) members of my own gender. I did NOT choose to be attracted to members of my own gender. For me, this is simply the way that I am - a part of my NATURE. I NEVER made a conscious decision to reject members of the opposite sex as objects of desire. I am also obviously capable of experiencing and exhibiting feelings/behaviors like love, fidelity, kindness, compassion, moderation - or what is more generally referred to as moral behavior. My sexual appetites are NOT greater/more intense/less controllable than the average heterosexual male. I feel NO predisposition to degrade or humiliate myself. I'm NOT seeking to corrupt or convert anyone. I understand and accept the fact that heterosexual folks are NOT attracted to members of their own gender. In other words, the stereotypes that exist about people like me DON'T fit.
Still not convinced that I have a legitimate reason to be offended or hurt? Instead of homosexuality, let's substitute skin color. After all, we observe the exact same phenomenon at work there! Many of us have known/accepted/loved one or two individuals from a race other than our own. We may even work with them or go to church with them. Moreover, that familiarity has prompted us to come to the conclusion that he/she/they are fine/decent/upstanding folks. Nevertheless, in so many instances, such personal relationships fail to change our racial attitudes more generally. It's like: "My black person isn't a lazy, uneducated thief!" In other words, your friend/loved one isn't like their folks - he/she is a "good one!" Generally speaking, we don't associate with those folks, but this one is OK! Do we begin to see how our friend/loved one might not be impressed with that kind of thinking?
As a consequence of all of these FACTS, I feel compelled to ask a few questions of my own. Why would you condemn or ridicule a person for a feature of their persona over which he/she had absolutely zero choice or control? Should an employer be allowed to fire or discriminate against me because I'm gay? If love truly does fulfill the requirements of the Law, then how is loving someone EVER legitimately characterized as being sinful? How does my sexual orientation hurt or harm you or anyone else? I'm serious - please explain this to me! If I'm OK, then why is it appropriate to condemn or ridicule people who are like me? And, if God really does love everyone, then why don't you? Let me be crystal clear here: I appreciate and return the affection and love that has been shown to me by family and friends, but how can you love me and hate people who are like me? Would your opinion of me change if Darlene was Daniel? Did I write this post for myself or for other people? The answer to that question is: YES! Is it time for a little soul searching?
Beliefs can be modified or changed - skin color and sexual orientation, not so much!
See https://www.websiteplanet.com/blog/smb-guide-success-lgbtq-market-best-practices/
A friend shared this with me via my private email account:
ReplyDeleteA very good friend of mine has two children. Her son is straight. Her daughter is gay.
Several years ago, when I asked her how she was feeling about having a gay daughter, her response was, "love the sinner; hate the sin." I just said, "She's not a sinner." We haven't talked about it since then.
So several weeks ago we drove to Austin for a conference, and my friend was texting with her daughter about the possibility of stopping by to visit them, and she said numerous times that her daughter and her wife were "just like an old married couple." And she'd laugh. I finally asked her, "Are they married?" and she said yes. So I said, "they're not LIKE an old married couple. They ARE an old married couple."
On the way out of Austin, we drove by their house and visited with them for a while. So after we left, I eventually reminded her of what she said years ago about "love the sinner; hate the sin." And I said it seemed to me she had moved away from that stance. We then engaged in a conversation about whether being gay is a choice, a lifestyle, or it's how that person is born. I asked her if she could choose to be a lesbian. Of course not! Then what makes her think other people can make that choice? She is very religious, and I finally said, "God didn't make a mistake when he created your daughter. He loves her just as she is." After a short pause, my friend said, "You know what? You're right. My daughter was perfectly formed, and I need to accept her just as God has. Thank you."
I just hope no one talks her back into her old ways of thinking.
By the way, my friend is not someone who takes the Bible literally. She understands science and still has deep faith.